WHO IS MARION?

Bonjour! Je m'appelle Marion. I'm not French, nor do I speak it. Ta.

I've got these other social networking sites you can find me by.

-- http://www.myspace.com/x_marion_x
-- http://twitter.com/Marionlianne
-- http://Marionlianne.tumblr.com/
-- http://lastfm.com/user/Marionlianne
-- http://www.flickr.com/people/marionlianne/
AIM: Marionlianne | E-mail: Marionlianne@gmail.com

I've both DeviantArt and Stickam, but I use neither. My Flickr is (hopefully) going to be up and running soon. Ask for the Facebook link if you're an FB'er.

I've become an ambitious person - with aspirations, dreams, and goals.

Love everyone.

I do figure the alternative could happen to be,
Don't let this all be for naught,
But that would escape the point;
It causes for additional distraught.

Love everyone.

The thing about photos is that they've the ability to conjure up emotions that one doesn't want to feel anymore, or have thought to have buried once before.

I don't want desire,
To desire things I could have,
Things that I have desired and didn't want.
You're telling yourself you can't because you don't want to know you can.

I don't want to feel the feeling of wanting to return to moments that have passed me, and by me, have passed me by.
Bury you, bury me,
Can the beating forget?
Let me, let you,
Let free be caught.
Forget you, forget me not.

Love everyone.

..the way we cling to each other so desperately, undignified?
Why don't you stand up, let go.. pave your own way - oh deny,
You haven't a thing for show; these trends come and go,
Don't doubt that you and I aren't gonna be here tomorrow.

--
I've got a few things here and there to talk about, but I think I'll just leave off with a two photos from two-and-a-half weeks ago on the 4th and return sooner or later. A cluttered desk s'all, ta.



Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

I'm terrible at making ends meet.

I have a number of little projects going on here and there and it seems like I can't even complete one of them before I start on something else! It's a tad ridiculous, especially when added onto the pile of To-Do's that include school work. I still haven't slept at all and I don't think I will for the rest of the day.. it doesn't feel as if it's ten in the morning right now. Why is it already Sunday?
--

Guitar drums guitar drums guitar drums guitar drums. I'm so unreliable with it. I have a tendency to get into something and obsess over it for a good chunk of time (which usually equals four or more hours straight), but then burn out. That's how I am with the both of them. It's easy for me to say 'one hour per day,' but so difficult to actually follow through with that - especially when I really get into learning something and end up playing for hours on end. Once I burn out, I usually won't come back 'til a one-and-a-half to two week minimum. I'm so on-and-off; I lack constant motivation and committment. When did I first receive my acoustic.. Christmas of '06? Ta, that's terrible. We've had the drum set for years, also. I'm not completely useless with it, though! I just need a really gnarly drummer for some massive inspiration.

--

I decided weeks ago that I'd try my hand at the 365-project, but it's obvious I haven't even started it. I have no problem with shooting everyday, but I do with uploading. Taking into consideration that I haven't access to the computer (due to mine being faulty as hell currently) on a daily basis, that's already problem enough. I also want to keep my files onto my computer 'cos it's just a huge drag transferring everything to the portable hard drive.. I'm just a lazy girl.

--

Misc.: - I'm going to be starting photoshoots with my good friend, Chris(tine)! She needs her unoriginal headshots and I need to build up a port, so we're just doing a trade-off (unless she'd like to pay me for shooting her.. ahem - syke!). Once I finish her headshots, the fun will actually begin. She's basically given me permission to virtually do anything (right?) and I've plenty of ideas to start off with. I'll most likely do the paint photoshoot as one of the very first ones since it's just going to be real rad and simple. I won't laze out - I'll upload the photos and put 'em up! - I'm starting to really want to start painting. I can draw well enough when I want to; I want to see if I can get the knack of working on large formats and using paints. I'd like to start with acrylics, but I may just work up from watercolours considering that would be the cheaper route & I can't dish out money whenever I want to. If you have any experience with painting, please let me know! :)

--
THIS.
So! I have a game plan for my co. It's high probability that I'm just going to fly solo with it due to monetary issues on the other end (but it's not like I haven't those, either); I figure it would be just be smoother when I can control everything. It's more difficult on my part, yes, but I'm fine with that; if it were to be the flipped situation, I would most likely still be doing 95% of the work, but now with added communication run-downs that won't be necessary if I were to go solo.

I would like to start ASAP, but that's not possible for me. I'm also probably going to be saving up cash from scratch because I'm reserving around $200 for Black Friday - more like $140, but whichever - and I'd like to begin with at least more than $200 (though $300-$400 would be a lot more ideal). Also considering I purchased my Canon Rebel XSi several weeks ago which ran a total of ~$880, I haven't the most cash in my pockets in my current situation. Once Black Friday's over and done with, I'll be putting cash away directly to fund.

I'm shooting for early 2010 / spring 2010. I've already seven to work with (currently; it's basically one of the reasons why I haven't slept) and I'll most likely be creating three more today. The things I'm able to modify right now are pretty set and controlled, therefore the variables at large are things I cannot control. I've dropped the ball and I'm just going to let it roll.

Once things really start picking up the pace, I'll be asking for suggestions and constructive criticism! I'm pretty amped for all of it and I hope I can get a few people excited, too! Au revoir.

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

Disclaimer: Irrelevant from the band.

I've been having a continuous desire to lose connection. To just take a step back and become an observer of the scene rather than being stuck in the midst of chaos and pandemonium. To just watch and learn..

I've been staying away from the computer and social networking sites for a good while now. (Though, it was initially partly not by choice; my computer has been on the fritz for the past several weeks and it's a total hit/miss situation when I try powering it on. I haven't an idea when my dad will have the time - and be able - to fix my laptop. I'll probably have to get by with a few more weeks of limited availability.) Even though I didn't really have the option of the computer in the first place, I'm relieved of being able to stay away and just focus on things unrelated to the Interweb. Also, just to give myself some brownie points: even if I'm aware of an available laptop in the house, I don't have a desire to do a thing with it.. therefore, I do have some decision-making on my part, ta.

I've been saying this for the past several weeks and I mean it when I do: social networking has gone down the drain. For me, there's nothing that piques my interest about it all anymore - nothing that makes me want to keep up with my networks. I feel a prick when I distance myself from others, but there's just a certain apathy that washes over me. I'm just so indifferent about it all now. I don't want it. I'm over it.

Though, of course, with certain plans and goals I'm aiming to pursue in the near-future, I'll be finding myself trying to get back on-track with social networking. I don't believe it should be so difficult for me because I'll have motivation pushing me to do so, but just in the current, present time, it's not something I feel the want to spend my time with.

I also have been wanting to get rid of my cell phone - not a permanent action, but just temporarily. I'd really like to turn off my phone, stuff it in a corner of my room, and go around without it for a month. It would be nice to go about without being tied down.. that's how I sometimes feel with it. I feel like when someone tries to contact you, such as via text, you find yourself needing to reply - not needing in the sense of you absolutely have to, but compelled to do so because you don't want to feel a jerk for letting them hang. Of course (I'm wondering if someone will read this and say, "Yeah, definitely noticed that") I suck at texting people back. I do reply, but when it's something that I haven't an actual interest in, I'll take my time with replying (though note, there are many times where I legitimately forget to reply - honest).

I ended up having to close my browser before being able to finish/post this, and now, almost twelve hours later, I've lost track of where I was going with it all. I think I've said all I've been wanting to for the past few weeks regarding social connections.. I just need a break. Of course, I doubt many people have actually noticed a change in my personality, considering these thoughts have been lingering for a good long while now. I suspect if anyone were to read this, starting now will my whole demeanor be scrutinized upon. Ho-hum, I daresay I can't fix everything.

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

Ps: The reason why I started this was for me, therefore I don't really understand why I always feel the need to apologize for lack of posts.. I just make things more difficult for myself. Let's see if this is really the last time I mention it 'cos I'll at least try.

Chiodos. But now Craig is gone.. thanks, guys.

I missed my opportunity last autumn '08. It was a split between Mayday Parade and Chiodos/Alesana since they were both in the same week. I should've gone to both. But, I can't change the past. No regrets; I wouldn't change it even if I had the chance.

I want to see and meet Craig, with whatever project he rolls along in Arizona with. You've been gone too long, Craig. (I was thinking about posting something regarding him awhile ago, detailing how much of a inspiration he is to me, but I ended up not doing so. I should get to it soon.)

Also, Pierce The Veil. I missed them at Warped '08, and autumn '08, also. Fault's mine but it still isn't the least bit less upsetting.
There are other bands I'd enjoy seeing as well ones I'd love to see again (hey, October! And December! upcoming shows) but the said above are ones I'd be so pained to miss (again).

PTV: Finish up with the studio and bring that brilliance out and share it ASAP, please.
Craig: Please find the quickest opportunity to come out here. Please. No one knows how much I want you to come here. Need to see you. I will meet you - in the least creepiest way imaginable.

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

Ps: Dear Angels & Airwaves from Warped Tour '08 - I can listen to you without being pained at heart. No one ever realized how much it hurt for me to walk away from that stage whilst singing along to you, Tom, and heading the other direction. I couldn't listen to more than 3 seconds of Secret Crowds - or any other AVA song - without feeling like I had been punched in the heart - and changing the song due to that feeling - for around a whole year after that day. I've been able to get past that. Dramatic? Yes. Fake? Not at all. Hope to see you sometime soon.

IF IT SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU, LISTEN.
I don't understand why people must make that such a God damned difficult task to do when it's not. Who the hell cares what the tag is on the music you hear? Who the hell cares if it's labeled hardcore, indie, powerpop, or Christian? If it sounds good to you, then go ahead and listen to it.

Are you trying to decipher its genre by its lyrics? Translate them for yourself. It is nothing new when an artist first writes a song for one meaning, but then it is dissected in another which remains valid. You think they're talking about the devil? The next person may think they're singing about God. You think they're belting about happiness? The kid next to you may see it as about the melancholy and destruction death leaves in its wake. It's your own mind and your own translation, so how the hell is one supposed to categorize lyrics for one person's specific perspective?

I'm tired of people remarking, "Is this death metal or just metal?" / "Is this post-hardcore or progressive?" / "Is this indie or is it powerpop?" / "Is this Christian or not?"
What point does it make whether or not something is? I don't see it. Music is music: for your own benefits; for your own mind; for you to mull over. It shouldn't be based on what majority says about it. If you've got a valid argument, I welcome you to stand by it and bring it up to me. But I swear, if you're writing things off as some sort of tag/genre and then moving away from it because of that, you are missing so much and that loss is completely yours.

And by the way, doing so demonstrates several levels of hypocrisy. Why don't you think about it yourself first?

/rant. - sorry for taking breaks from LJ just to return with rants rants rants. This has been bugging me for awhile and something reminded me of it, which caused me to post. I'll be back with something substantially happy of sorts; LJ-time has been escaping me for awhile now.

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

- Sursum corda.
- Ad vitam paramus.
- Adversus solem ne loquitor.
- Amantes sunt amentes.
- Amicus verus est rara avis.
- Amor anima arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur.
- Nil desperandum.
- Memento mori.
- Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.
- Love everyone.

If it's got to be a more comedic fortune:
- Apudne te vel me?

I know they're not this-is-what-is-going-to-happen-in-your-future-beware! fortunes, but I've seen an overflow of fortune cookies with proverbs inside of them so I'll just follow the crowd and do the same. But I'd tell people to find their own translator.

The above are things I find to be profound in their own sense. And hey! Don't steal poss-tatts. The bolded are things you'll probably see from me every-now-and-then if you're with any of my social networks, or just notice things written on myself.

If you want to know the meaning of any.. stick around my LJ, I place 'em here, here, and here. (That was a syke.) Just stick around.

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

I don't mind breaking mirrors, or walking under ladders, or anything to do with black cats. I'm not really superstitious in that sense.

I do believe in karma, though - whether fully or to a certain extent, I'm not sure. I do try to hold my tongue with certain, teasing phrases like, "I hope you get hit by a car!" and etc. Whilst it's in playful context, I try to avoid it because you never really know what might happen. How horrible would you feel if it were actually to come true? The occasional slip will come here-and-there, but I'll always go back to declare - genuinely - that there really is no desire for it to occur.

I have a weird, occasional habit of putting things into order if they're in a disarray. It's not a perfectionist / cleaning OCD (definitely not if you know me, or have seen the state my bags and rooms are constantly in) but it's more of a sort of superstition I would think. If I see a pen on the floor and I pass by it, I think of some sort of karma coming back to me for not picking it up. I'll end up retracing my steps and fixing it, putting it onto some counter or such. Also, it's not something where everything I see I have to fix - it only happens when I catch something in my peripheral vision that just captures my attention for a moment. It usually happens when I'm in a rush, leaving off to somewhere! I'll go back, adding more ticking seconds to my unpunctual arrival time, hurriedly set it somewhere of higher elevation, and then book it out of there. It's the 'What if...' situation that makes me do a double-take. Oh, and I'll also let slip an occasional "sorry" to inanimate objects if I drop them.

Coming back to the initial prompt - no, superstitious activities like mirrors/ladders/cats do not bother me. Just the not-so-common ones said above!

Love everyone / sursum corda | Marion/xo.

Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur,

Mors venit velociter quae neminem veretur,

Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur.

 Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.

Life is short, and shortly it will end;

Death comes quickly and respects no one,

Death destroys everything and takes pity on no one.

To death we are hastening, let us refrain from sinning.

Ni conversus fueris et sicut puer factus

Et vitam mutaveris in meliores actus,

Intrare non poteris regnum Dei beatus.

Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.

If you do not turn back and become like a child,

And change your life for the better,

You will not be able to enter, blessed, the Kingdom of God.

To death we are hastening, let us refrain from sinning.

I need space.

Whenever something irritates me, I get so incredibly frustrated and feel the need to funnel all of that anger into something. I want to write.
But by the time I get the chance to open my laptop, load, and hit the 'Post' link.. everything dies out. All of it.
This isn't something new that has been happening, but it may be the first time I'm mentioning it. Or maybe not.

I just don't really understand it all. When something happens (which, by the way, something did occur just a few minutes ago that had me streaming profanities under my breath and needing to calm myself before I did something I would regret, or along-the-lines-of.. but I guess that's done with, now), I just get so frustrated. In my mind, I already play out what I'm going to share here on LJ, to write out all that I'm feeling - the anger and the angst, the frustration and irritation - in a precise way. I know what I'm going to say, word-for-word, but by the time I get around to actually doing it.. whatever that was pushing me to do so, dissipates. All of those violent moods are gone. Do I really get over things that quickly?

No, I don't think that's the answer. I know that because there's no way in hell I'm leaving my room and confronting the woman as if nothing as happened, and be all cheery and wonderful. No, I'm still angry. But it's something in the back of my mind right now, when I'm not in the actual, present situation. Now, I feel like writing.

My theory about it is that anger isn't something that fuels me / inspires me enough to write about. Maybe that's just stupid and I should delete that statement, because I do know I have ranted before. Many times. But I can't really explain it otherwise.

Remember that almost month-long LJ gap between my posts? (It was fairly recent.) In addition to nothing being interesting, the whole I'm-frustrated-and-going-to-post-but-then-I-change-my-mind situation occurred a swell number of times. I would be a few sentences into the post, and then everything would just cease. I couldn't express anything else, because it seemed like there was no point in doing so. I was already over the situation - at least, "over the situation" in the aspect of I'm still obsessing over it and that reflects in this here post. I just don't think that situations where I'm reduced to swearing unintelligibly for several minutes can fuel something where I can just write and write and write about. Because my heart's not into it.

My heart isn't into staying angry. I just need to let out some steam, and then move on. It's over and done with.

I feel like everything is clashing into one another and forming some huge-ass contradiction and I might be coming off as some hypocrite for.. I don't know. Whatever the hell I'm saying. I know I have written things out of pure anger (if it's on LiveJournal or not, I'm not too sure of) and now I'm saying I can't. Honestly, the only thing I can come up with to sum up everything is "I don't know."

Right now, this whole thing isn't supported by being furious - which is exactly what I was feeling prior to this. This is more of a reflective mood, trying to make sense of myself and just why why why, I do as I do. I can't say there's some concrete answer, but it sure as hell relieves some frustration that's been taking over.

I truly wonder if anyone notices my round-about ways and my impersonality with this whole thing. I kind of feel like a complete joke, but maybe it's just my scrutinizing and self-criticizing eye that realizes. What is it, now? "Real eyes realize real lies."

I am in complete adoration with Irony and all its beauty.
Love everyone, Marion/xo.

I'm going to fill out this post a little later.

Love everyone, Marion/xo.

Whilst each day passes, the desire of things desired becomes increasingly more desired.

Time moves on.
Love everyone, Marion/xo.

Well! I guess an explanation's in order for my (almost) month-long hiatus here on LJ.

To put it bluntly, basically: there hasn't really been anything to write about.
Nothing interesting to say, no huge event going on (other than being alive). Nothing really of interest for me to post. Or maybe that's just my excuse to myself to cover up the plausible "I'm just lazy" alternative.


The '09-'10 school year began on the 10th of August. I haven't anything interesting to say (which is why I didn't post) about it. It's a second year - new classes, new faces - basically the same feeling. After the first three days of classes, I told myself (and to others): "It's crazy to think that this is still the first week of school. It feels like I've been here for forever." And that's a true fact. It did feel like I had been there for longer than I really had. It's just like last year, with subtle differences. Not to say that I don't prefer this year than last (it's so much better, I think, for me.. no, maybe the pros and cons balance out - who knows!) but the routine of high school is what gets to me. To put it more generally, I'm not too keen on routines. It feels like everything is made up and I'm just a machine going through what it has been programmed to do. I don't like that. But anyways, moving on...

See? I can't think of anything to say. My birthday is in seven days, but that's not something I'm actually stoked on about, either. My dad has a business trip in Asia - he left today - so he's not going to be here for it, and won't be back until the 18th. I didn't show up at school today because I got sick over the weekend - and still am today - and I have a pretty fair share of school work I still haven't accomplished.. whatsoever. I have a Brief Calc/Finite test tomorrow, which is extremely troublesome. I still haven't done my Biology board questions for the past week/week-and-a-half; my notecards for my Greek Mythology research paper on Dionysus remains in my backpack, where it's been since Friday. All the notecards are due tomorrow, and I have three out of the required fifteen. Delicious.

You know, I kind of wonder how long I can last with this routine. The routine of being in school for seven hours a day, Monday through Friday, taking the bus home, walking in the heat, getting home and lazing about, starting my homework at 9:30PM or later/the next day, taking a shower, sleeping at midnight or later, waking up at 5:30AM, getting up at 5:45AM, getting ready, and doing the whole process all over again. (The aforementioned is my weekdays in a nutshell, and it's accurate as hell.) Whenever I'm in class, I'm yearning for the end of the week. Whenever it's the end of the week, I just stay in and do hardly anything. I mean, I need to give myself some credit because I do do things, for the business, but other than that there really is nothing more. I feel like all the time I'm wanting to be somewhere else, I'm just wasting it from not living the present.

Which is wrong wrong wrong, too, because it's not like a shut myself out from the world during the day. Far from it. But even the routine of talking to people during the day, during the same classes, complaining about the same things, going home the same way.. it's not cutting it for me. Routine itself is fraying me at the seams, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

This is just a little rant of mine, no worries. But hey! I did manage to write up a pretty lengthy post. I'm just a slice rusty with the whole LJ business due to being away for so long, but I think I'm back now. Now, I'm going to see if I can finish some work  - I've procrastinated long enough!

Good day!
Love everyone, Marion xo.

I'm losing myself.

Love everyone, Marion/xo.

There are funny things.

Love everyone, Marion/xo.

Upside-down and all around.

I don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated! I'm falling back into step with things I've done before, and I know that this pace and step is the one I'm so awfully-inclined to recede back to. It's grating, irritating, wrong, and comfortable. It's what I've been accustomed to for so long, and it fucking blows. It's so wrong, it's right; it's right for me. Yeah, to hell with all those cliche bs sayings, but this whole thing in itself is cliche bs that it just all fits so well together. I can't help it. I can't stop it.

UPDATE: I decided that I'm just going to leave this be. No conclusion. Ta. -- 3:23AM, August 5th, 2009.

Love everyone, Marion/xo.

Almost. I've been awake for almost 34 hours straight. I just came back from a Filipino party, also, and while surprisingly it was exponentially better than I expected (than previous ones), I'm drained.
I've stayed awake for longer, but I think I'm going to meet with sleep tonight.

I'm babysitting tomorrow (good thing!) a little before 5:30PM - ? PM. The parents are going out to watch Wicked, so they'll be out for awhile; it took them forever to find good, cheaper tickets! It's ridiculous how people are selling them for over $200 a piece.. good money, no one can disagree.

So! I'm going to start getting ready for bed. I haven't worn my contacts in days (because I haven't gone out in days!) so they're dragging down my eyes.. it may be contributing to the sense of exhaustion. My goal after posting this is to straightforwardly change; take out my contacts; sleep. I have this bizarre tendency that when I'm absolutely drained, I'll get randomly energized -- out of nowhere. This happened earlier today, and I hope it doesn't happen tonight; I really do need sleep, and energy for tomorrow! Though I really want to continue doing my work for CI, I hope I can trust myself to not start doing it at the dead of night and save it for tomorrow. Since we went to church tonight, I'm free the whole day until I need to babysit! I'm bummed out that Denise and I's plans of meeting up tomorrow didn't work out (on my part), but I'm looking forward to (hopefully!) Tuesday's. It should be a blast!

(With each post, I get reminded of how Alex writes and I think it's starting with me. Not common.)

Goodnight! (And I was just about to type something he'd write right here.)
Love everyone, Marion/xo.

I don't actually have one, but I sure can tell you that the main gist of having one? It's getting to me.

I am currently so occupied with things! I really like doing this, being productive and busy but.. this is the problem: I haven't slept in over twenty-eight hours. While what I'm doing right now truly isn't something "new" -- I've done this work for the past month, on and off, but always spending eight hour blocks of time on it.. it's just so much harder (at least, it seems to be) to finish everything!

I feel like I have a gargantuan mountain filled with work to do just for this, and, when looked at objectively, no. Of course not. Not even close. But right now, I'm feeling so frayed! I've talked about what my sleeping habits are like, and there has been no broken streak to it yet. Not sleeping at all doesn't really help. No, actually, it does. I'm going to pass out later.

I decided this yesterday: if I want to stay up til 7:30AM everyday, so be it. BUT! Saturday nights I won't do it. I am not going to sleep that late. I need one day off, right? Also, ironically, I could claim I'm doing it because it's a start of a new week.. but really, no. It's just because it's the weekend, my parents are home, and I can't sleep until 1:30PM when they are. Plus it's a Sunday, and I'd be screwed if we were going to mass at 11AM (which, coincidentally, we are tomorrow).

Alright, this is kind of bizarre. Right at this moment, I've my legs up on my chair and rocking back-and-forth, back-and-forth, and it's not in some slow manner. I'm still doing it, and I haven't a clue why. I think maybe my mind knows that if my body stops moving, I'm just going to feel tired and end up laying down and sleeping.. this is like what happened when I finished drinking the 2-litre bottle of Dr. Pepper one night last week and immediately ater a whole Hershey's Cookies 'N Cream bar.. at a quarter til midnight. That, I admit, was a bit ridiculous on my part.

I'm craving caffeine! I told myself I wasn't going to drink any today.. in the past week, I've finished a grand total of 6-litres of soda. In a week. That's extremely gross, and unhealthy. Every 2-litre I spend one day finishing at least one litre or more, and then the next, just draining whatever's left. I told myself, "Let's just take a break from the caffeine slurges today." Alright so, I finished the teeeeensy bit of Coca-cola that was left in the bottle, but I meant to finish it yesterday night but forgot about it. I only drank it at around five in the morning, anyways.. over a full twelve hours ago. I'm fine.

I'm going to cover one more topic on my mind, and then go back to what this whole thing was mainly about. Then I'll end this post, don't worry.

Does anyone else have those feelings of lost/paused/prolonged time? Maybe I'm just wording it wrong, so I'll try to explain. Like when you stay up really late (like, me really late, not eleven at night late.. honestly, that's early!) and maybe you stay up the whole night, or end up passing out for a few hours.. when you wake up (or later in the day) your head is just messed up. No.. I'm not talking about hangovers. Your sense of time is just absolutely slaughtered and your mind's a mess, and you don't know what to do. Just today -- four hours ago, just today -- it felt like it the day should have been evening.. I was just so exhausted! Then I glanced at the corner of my screen and realized it was one in the afternoon. But that meant I had been up for twenty-four hours. I don't know, my sense of time just seems incredibly elongated, but that's what happens when you don't sleep, kids.. don't end up like me.

My legs are currently down, and I'm not moving back-and-forth anymore.. my knees are just smashing into each other. I could be keeping a 1/16th beat right now. I'd find it quite funny if by the end of this, my (fuck, I can't even type! I keep spelling it "keens") knees are all blasted messed up. I also think that it's funny how I'm typing right now, extremely fast and jitterish. I just stopped moving to see if my hands were shaking.. kinda are. I swear to God I'm clean right now. I'm just ridiculously frayed right now.

Wrap up!: I'm really proud of myself for taking the initiative with accomplishing all this stuff for CI! It's a small bit apparent that I'm really doing all of the work, but I really do enjoy it. I do enjoy the feeling of "I actually need to get this done," but it's not school work or anything. Ha, I remember just the other day, I was all, "FUCK YEAH! I FINISHED!" with sorting out some discrepancies with the catalogs, and then I realized that, what, 160 items weren't sorted at all?? God, that killed my mood instantly. I'm currently doing them right now, but I know once I'm done with sorting them out (which all takes three different steps.. for each item...) I've just got easy work to do! I remade all the captions because they were too large (gutter. out. now.) for my liking, so I'll just go through.. uh, 350+ items? and change all the captions for 'em! It doesn't sound like it'll be quick, and it won't, but compared to what I have to do right now, it's heaps easier!

The thing that keeps my spirits high for this (there is no pun in that!) is my hope and determination for this to be finished and work out.  I'm super motivated, and with each thing I do with CI, the closer I am to GE! That, I am really excited for. We couldn't leap into it due to obvious reasons, but we're getting there, I know it. Who knows! Maybe if everything explodes, there could be something to look forward to next spring.. I can hope, right?

A parental unit just informed me that we're going to the 6:15PM mass today, instead of going to the 11AM tomorrow. It's 5:40PM, I haven't had sleep, I haven't gone outside my house in days.. I love when I'm notified of things like these, plan switch-ups, and I'm expected to agree to it as if I had known about it hours ago. And then they get pissed if I'm in a shoddy mood. It's all so hypocritical.. but I won't elaborate. I need to go give an attempt at not looking like complete shit before I leave the house.

Please have a more enjoyable Saturday evening.
Love everyone, Marion/xo.